Mental health experts recognize divorce as one of the most stressful events in the average person's life. Not only might you run the gamut of emotions vis a vis your primary relationship, which is either coming to a close or going through a substantial change, but you’ve got a wide range of brass-tacks issues you need to settle before you can move on. In our experience, some of the most urgent concerns for clients going through a divorce are:
- Feelings of failure — Many people take a marriage's failure very personally. They ruminate about what they could have done differently and get caught in a spiral of shame and even depression. Although these feelings are natural, they usually don't reflect the truth of the situation in all its complexity, nor are they healthy. Counterbalancing these negative feelings is imperative.
- Uncertainty of future finances — There’s no escaping the impact of divorce on personal finances. Can you maintain your standard of living? Will you be able to provide all the amenities you’d like your children to have?
- What the future will look like — Your day-to-day life is going to be different. That change can be unsettling, even if you believe that dissolving your marriage is for the best.
- Worries about children — Parents are often concerned about the emotional impact their divorce will have on their children. You’ve taken great pains to provide a safe, nurturing home for your kids, and now there’s all this turmoil. No matter how you try to insulate your kids, you know it’s a challenge for them to process what’s happening.
All of these stressors are going to take a toll on you, which, if left unmanaged, can be devastating to your health. First, you might notice changes in your emotional state, which can include:
- Anxiety or restlessness
- Grumpiness or quicker temper
- Moodiness and a general feeling of being overwhelmed
- Listlessness or depression
- Difficulty focusing
- Memory problems
These changes in your mental state can increase your stress in a vicious cycle. Eventually, you are likely to suffer physically as well. Physical health symptoms include:
- Headache
- Muscle tension or pain
- Chest pain
- Fatigue
- Diminished in sex drive and/or problems with performance
- Stomach upset
- Insomnia
- Susceptibility to illness due to weakened immune response
Finally, we must note that allowing yourself to become overly distressed makes it more difficult to participate reasonably and constructively in your divorce case. This means you can make poor decisions that undermine progress, dragging out negotiations and running up unnecessary expenses.
Top 10 Strategies for Stress Management During Divorce
For all of the reasons cited above, stress management during divorce is incredibly important. Here are some of the best ways for you to take control of the stressors and maintain your health even during a contentious divorce.
- Get real about your feelings — Denying that you’re under stress only exacerbates the problem. Understand that divorce is inherently stressful, so you are going to have to modify your lifestyle, at least temporarily, to accommodate the demands of your current situation. Adapting is not the same as crying, “Uncle!” Recalibrating is not admitting defeat; it’s choosing a winning strategy.
- Consult a therapist—Processing your emotions under the guidance of a trained professional is liberating and empowering. Check out some near you in Westchester, Nassau, or Manhattan. Therapy can provide clarity, which leads to better decision-making, builds confidence, and gives you peace of mind.
- Compartmentalization — There are pros and cons to this coping strategy. However, compartmentalizing can be beneficial for managing stress during a crisis. What this means is you mentally separate different elements of your life, creating insulated holding cells, so what’s bothering you in one aspect of your existence doesn’t bleed into all the others. For example, you can say you’re not going to think about your divorce while you’re at work. You focus on the tasks at hand, and if your mind strays towards issues related to your divorce, you gently refocus instead of giving energy to that thought. By successfully compartmentalizing, you can accomplish a range of tasks without interference. At the end of the day, you can enjoy a positive feeling of accomplishment rather than reflecting on time wasted in worry. Try to keep a compartment for your divorce-related emotions and deal with them constructively rather than trying to repress them.
- Exercise — When it comes to feeling healthy and alive, motion is the potion. A regular exercise routine can get your heart pumping, your blood flowing, and your endorphins fully released. A sound body is a sound mind’s best friend. When you’re building mental compartments, make sure to include one for a regular, uninterrupted workout.
- Get outdoors — Fresh air and the beauty of nature are naturally uplifting. If you’re feeling weighed down, a walk in the park or on the coastline can do wonders for reviving your spirits.
- Mind your diet — Stress affects people’s eating habits differently, but it inevitably has a negative impact. If you recognize how stress is affecting your diet, you can develop effective strategies to control and counteract your impulses. Food is fuel, and properly nourishing your body is very important during this time.
- Feed your heart and mind — Beauty is restorative. Spending time in a fine art museum or gallery, listening to beautiful music, or challenging your mind with a lecture on a heady topic can provide a bit of elevated escapism.
- Lean on trusted friends and relatives — There’s a difference between being a chronic Debbie Downer and a friend in crisis. Your friends and relatives know that you’re going to need a sympathetic ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. If they’re good friends, they’ll consider it an honor if you turn to them. And you can get some much-needed affirmation. You’ll feel less alone, and you’ll have a little more strength to carry your load.
- Practice sleep hygiene — Under the best of circumstances, it’s tough to get a good night’s sleep. As a result, most of America is chronically sleep deprived, which contributes to a wide array of health problems. Add intense stress into the mix, and sleeping may become a major challenge. Now’s the time to read up on what you can do to enhance the quality of your sleep. Whether it’s a warm bath in the evening, unplugging from electronics at least an hour before light’s out, warm milk and nutmeg, temperature regulation, white noise, or any other remedy, be prepared to experiment. Remember, sleep is medicine.
- Get spiritual — Many people who wouldn’t normally think of themselves as religious draw great comfort in times of crisis from the faith tradition in which they were raised. Going to church or synagogue services might revive your confidence in a higher power, which can translate into greater assurance that "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
Another factor that can help you get through your divorce is choosing a law firm where attorneys not only know their stuff but care about the people they serve. At Bikel Rosenthal & Schanfield, LLP, we want to resolve your divorce on the best possible terms, but we also want you to have the smoothest process possible. Contentious moments are often unavoidable, but we’ve found that open and frequent communication can provide peace of mind, even during the most arduous stages. If you want to speak to an experienced attorney who will put your interests first, call us today.