The holidays are a time for family, celebration, and making memories. But for divorced parents navigating shared custody and co-parenting arrangements, the season can be daunting.
Remember, with thoughtful planning, communication, and a focus on the children, divorced parents can still create a joyful holiday season to remember. Here are 15 tips to help you have a happy holiday with your kids after divorce:
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Prioritize Your Children’s Emotional Needs
Children of divorce can experience conflicting emotions during the holidays, including sadness, confusion, or anger. Be sure to recognize and validate these feelings. Take time to check in, ask them how they’re feeling, and reassure them that their emotions are normal. Acknowledging their feelings can help children feel supported and understood.
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Invent New Traditions
Keeping old traditions alive can be comforting, but creating new ones can help establish a sense of renewal and excitement. If you’ve always gone to the in-laws’ house for latkes or gingerbread, consider adapting it to fit your new family dynamic. Bake cookies for charity or adopt a new holiday recipe that the kids can help make. Plan an afternoon of crafting homemade decorations, watching a holiday light display, or making DIY gifts. Asking your kids to help choose the new traditions can give them a sense of belonging and importance in the celebration.
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Be Flexible with Scheduling
The holidays can bring challenges when shifting gears between parents, especially when kids are moving between homes. Be flexible with your arrangements around holiday time when possible. Give the children priority over holiday parties or activities. Ask your child what they would like to do regarding holiday time with each parent and try to accommodate them—whether that means splitting the day or shifting schedules slightly. Flexibility helps alleviate tension for everyone.
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Keep Communication Open with Your Ex
While it isn’t always possible, maintaining a civil and respectful line of communication can significantly improve your holiday experience. Discuss plans, custody arrangements, and any expectations with your ex ahead of time to reduce the risk of misunderstandings. Coordinating who will attend which holiday events can help prevent conflict.
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Avoid Criticizing Your Ex
Try not to relive past grievances. Avoid saying negative things about your ex around your kids. Feeling stressed or hurt during the holidays is normal, especially when it requires more frequent contact with your ex. However, a child witnessing a parent make disparaging comments about another parent can cause lasting damage. Instead, keep a positive mindset and focus on creating beautiful holiday memories with the kids.
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Set Realistic Expectations
After divorce, the holidays will likely look very different from previous years. You may not be able to travel or host the same lavish events. Remember, this is a time for renewal. Consider what you can do or what you feel like doing—whether hosting a cozy dinner at home or going for a holiday walk in the park. Show your children how to appreciate what they have and help them find joy in the present moment.
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Quality, Not Quantity
Don’t worry about trying to fit in every holiday activity. Instead, simplify your plans and make your time with your children meaningful. Whether it’s cooking together or playing board games, these moments are just as special—if not more so—than trying to keep up with a packed holiday calendar.
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Coordinate Gift-Giving with Your Ex
Gift-giving can be tricky post-divorce, particularly when both parents may want to buy “THE special gift” for the children. To avoid overspending or giving duplicate gifts, coordinate with your ex about what presents each of you will give. If you plan to buy your child a new iPad or long-awaited video game, check with your ex to see if they’re getting something similar, if possile. A coordinated approach will help reduce any potential conflicts or feelings of competition.
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Create a Calm and Stress-Free Environment
The holidays can be extra stressful for kids adjusting to a new lifestyle. Create a peaceful atmosphere in your home by keeping things calm and organized. Create a cozy space to hang out together. Avoid over-scheduling and give your children time to relax, whether it’s curling up with a book or listening to holiday music. A calm environment will help everyone stay relaxed and open to communication.
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Be Mindful of Routines
Kids thrive on routine, so try to maintain as much normalcy as possible during the holiday season. If your children have specific bedtimes or school routines, try to stick to them. While you can certainly adjust for special holiday events, maintaining some stability will help your children feel secure and at ease.
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Use Technology to Stay Connected
If your co-parenting situation involves time apart from your children during the holidays, use technology to stay connected. Video calls, phone calls, or sending holiday-themed text messages can help your children feel closer to both parents, especially if one parent is absent for a particular holiday event.
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Embrace Change
While it’s important to acknowledge any difficult emotions, try to focus on the possibilities the future holds. Remind your kids that the holidays are always a time of joy and connection, even in new family structures. Share your excitement for new traditions or activities you’ll experience together, reinforcing that change is a positive thing.
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Respect Your Ex’s Time with the Kids
Children benefit from time with each parent during the holidays. Respect that time if your ex is scheduled to have the kids on a particular day. Don’t call or text the kids unless you plan a specific time. If the children are transitioning from one house to another, try to make the transition as smooth as possible. Again, focus on the children and the interactions between parents that they will remember.
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Practice Self-Care
It’s hard to be the best parent you can be if you’re running on empty. Make sure you’re taking time for yourself amidst the holiday hustle. Enjoy a hot cup of coffee. Do some journaling in the morning. Take a walk or indulge in a relaxing bath. Treating yourself with extra care during this season is essential for maintaining patience, perspective, and energy.
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Seek Support if Needed
If you're finding the holidays particularly tough or co-parenting challenges weighing you, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend who can offer guidance or a listening ear. Sometimes, having someone to talk to can make all the difference in managing stress and emotions.
Even though the holidays look different this year, remember that the most important thing is being together and creating meaningful moments. Whether it’s sharing a simple meal, playing games, or simply enjoying each other’s company, your kids will cherish these memories for a lifetime.